Double standards and anticipations

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while…. I guess I’m one of those ‘post when the mood takes me’ kinda people. Not I big deal I guess as I’m not a professional blogger or anything. But nonetheless sorry for the absence.

I’ve been feeling rather philosophical of late… maybe it’s because I’m quite literally counting down the last weeks until the pigmy makes his appearance or maybe simply being on this current road of my journey has made me think about things differently. Who know maybe it’s both but I have. I think about my responsibility to myself and others and the double standards place upon me in my current state (being something a kin to a kinder egg at the moment same old me on the outside with a hidden prize inside) and more importantly the double standards I have placed on others around me.

It’s not something I ever really thought I did but looking things now with new insight and an ever-changing landscape around me I see now that I do and have for some time.

It’s easy to fall victim to the perception of people they portray instead of maybe reading between the lines a little. Grumpy, avoiding and nonchalant could just be lonely and battling with insecurities. Now I know these simple facts when thinking of others but haven’t applied the same reasoning to the people closest to me. I hate that.

I hate that.

It makes me feel I have failed them in some way. I’m resolved to be different.  To be the person I want my little pigmy to be proud of. Someone he can look up to and not think ‘wow my mum’s a perfect person’ but ‘wow she always ALWAYS tried’ especial with the people who matter most. My family.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I anticipate there will be many ups and downs as things in chelby – ville begin to change.  As I begin to change on this safari. (Yes I know safaris don’t have ‘ville’s) but I anticipate a shift. A shift in perspective. In acceptance and in myself.

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Me in oversize coat…. hiding the pigmy

 

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